I realized today that I have no marketable skills.
I was updating my résumé, as I do every 5-10 years (I know I’m supposed to review it every year, but really… who does that?), and I didn’t have any idea what to put on it. So I thought about my strongest qualities, and started constructing a list to see what could be worked into a résumé.
- Sarcasm (Who, me?)
- Cynicism (Well, you know that won’t last.)
- Professional meddling (And I would have gotten away with it, too! If it hadn’t been for that professional meddler!)
- Starting (I am an amazing starter. If you need something started, call me! Just don’t expect me to finish it. Ever. I haven’t finished a single thing since my children were born, unless bottles of wine and pints of ice cream count.)
- Video game proficiency (Is there a market for 30-something, mommy, beta testers? Sims FreePlay, all over it. Nothing better than tending the hunger, sleep and hygiene needs of virtual people.)
- Uninhibited truth-telling and complete lack of tact (My husband calls these “conditions” that I have, like diseases. I call them “virtues”.)
These are not resume material, obviously. I moved on to accomplishments. Do I have any achievements that are resume worthy?
- Birthed 3 children (Not very marketable, as I have no intention of repeating the performance.)
- Laundry (Ongoing…. and hardly accomplished, as I’m always waist deep in it and never sort by color or whatever.)
- Quirky cupcake construction (You know, cupcakes shaped like aliens and robots are gratifying to look at, ok to eat, and a veritable time suck to create.)
- 3-4x a week showers (This is an accomplishment. I’m up from once a week when my offspring were younger. Go me.)
- Kindergarten homework x2 (It was an all-nighter, but I nailed it!)
- All living things in my care still thriving
Well, the last one is something; although I don’t know that it belongs under “Professional Experience”…. maybe it’s better suited for “Objective”.
If you are in the market for a person with my hardly unique skill-set, please contact me for an interview.